Yesterday, on December 18th, 2025, a local kid named Duncan Grandmating the Fifth, who won the spelling bee at Abomination Schools on Main Street, has been “sold” to the North Korean government. After dominating the 5th Grade State Championship, he was sold by his parents to the North Korean government. His parents were approached by a North Korean official after leaving the spelling bee. Caught on a security camera, we now have the exclusive transcript, only here on Granny News.

OFFICIAL: Hey, nice kid.

PARENTS: Thank you, he just won the spelling bee!

OFFICIAL: Is that so?

OFFICIAL: Well, how about I buy him?

PARENTS: What?!

OFFICIAL: I’ll give you 20 bucks and a 2-for-1 deal at Arby’s.

PARENTS: SOLD!

After that, Duncan was sent away, never to be seen again.