In a chaotic act of revenge, loyalty, and pure recklessness, American R&B artist SZA reportedly hurled a rock at Chris Brown after spotting him at a jewelry store approximately 40 miles northwest of downtown Los Angeles. Witnesses say she was accompanied by none other than Rihanna, the global pop star and survivor of Brown’s infamous 2009 assault.

According to the police report, SZA “felt a sense of intense anger” upon seeing Brown. In a moment of rage, she allegedly removed a small rock from the sole of her shoe and launched it with sniper-like precision—directly into Brown’s ear. The rock struck his eardrum, and he reportedly "yelped in extreme pain like a wounded Disney sidekick.". “We’ve seen celebrity fights before,” said Officer Ramirez. “But never an eardrum assassination with a pebble.

Brown fled the scene and called the police. Officers arrived to find SZA and Rihanna laughing and celebrating with iced matcha lattes. SZA was arrested for assault but was promptly bailed out by Kendrick Lamar, who then welcomed her back onto their national tour.

The charges are pending, and the story is still developing possibly faster than Chris Brown’s hearing loss.